mix....

I feel like writing....
may be it will help to sort out all my thought...feeling...wishes....dreams...and take me to the next stage, where I am be happy, fully enjoying the life and make a contribution :)

Did I mention, that I love my life? :) I LOVE LIFE!
I love everything what is happening, I like to make my life, I love all my challenges, I love people around, I am pleased to share my thoughts, ideas, feelings, energy etc I try to make my life and follow my dreams...but often people in some point stop to make there life and follow the rules, society, management etc...sometimes I feel that I do the same, then suddenly I wake up, because I feel something badgering me insight!!! Thanks Got, I have curiosity :)

I'm finishing my internship in 3 weeks, I thought I would know for sure that is next and I have expected that my life will follow some typical logic, expected steps, at list will start since now :)but would I be happy to know everything in advance??? :) ha ha :) Looking on my past I defiantly must admit I've been always taking challenging roads, made not easy decision and took some risky steps. I have never regret for that, moreover I am even very grateful for all things which happened or didn't happened.
So far I am following the strategy know the direction, follow your instinct, make the best of everything, share your happinesses and things just start happening! I don't want to be attach to the result or place even try don't be attach people (not easy). So far I feel confided and happy about it.

I guess now I am a bit frustrated, because for 5 month actively searching for my next step I still confused about my wishes or goals for next year....not years... just for one year! I tend to think to much sometimes :) asking myself to much questions etc, what is not bad, I have to just accepted it :) I like that I am not distracted by rejection or non result achievement, I know it will come, it's a mater of time. I am lost between roads...
I'm lost where to go, what do I really LOVE to do, should I follow my heard or my mind, logic or long-term strategy...but at list I know what I don't want to do :)))

Place:
The World is to small and I wish to leave in each continent during next 4-5 years... I'm willing to go and to try, to see, to learn, to travel, to discover, to explore, to share and wish to make the difference! Wish to find the way how I can use my strength, knowledge and ability to do something relevant and to make others happy.

Do what you love to do:
Fully believe that if we do what we are really good at, what we love to do, the world/population will be much happy and more kind! I know things which I can do and I can successes! But I want to wake up happy in the morning, because I'm going to do an amazing job everyday, job which make the difference, not just average job which I can do...I wish to find or always be able to discover new things and to be very satisfied with things which I do everyday, stretch myself for the best and enjoy it.
I wish to be happy coming back home, because I have my close people at home (partner, children) who are waiting for me. Wish to share my love, energy, thought with them.

I guess everyone want/wish to have love, but often people don't like to tell it, to express it, to share. In our days sometimes we're hyper active, too social, but quite lonely on the same time, especially in megalopolises. Quantity would never cover the quality. We prefer to share our achievement in business life and forgot to mention, that the best moment of the day actually was 5 min conversation with the partner, children or parents :) It's probably easy don't share anything personal you kind of keep cool and pretend that you don't need it, but everybody needs it :) Everyone needs it, doesn't mater the gender, race, age, culture, preferences, sexual orientation etc, we need just face it.

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Find balance:
when you mind, heard and soul tell you 3 different things, any meditation can't help :)
should I go for money and accept a job offer...should I follow for the best experience and take a risk and go to Asia to explore...or should I follow my heard, probably take even bigger risk and take a challenge, but make sure that I make the best of my life...???...right now I even can't hear my intuition...I am too much questioning my self, I guess I should learn how to let it go :)
I've tried to look on that as a case, which need to be solved and present from different perspective :)

World wide view:
Where do I want to be, What do I want to do, how my life will look like in 10 - 20 -30 -40 year? How our world would look like in 20-50 years? Which role we are going to have in such busy and technology developed world? Which action we should make now to leave on a better planet latter? What is really mater?

Taking to consideration world issue like climate changes and Global warming, population grows and financial crisis, technology development and speed of our life I guess it's more and more difficult to predict the future. Some scientists said: "The word culaps will happen in 2029", calculation has been done base on speed of technology development and distraction of the planet. Some of the them predict the world end in 2012. I just feel it's more difficult to adapt to new technology, changes on every day life, a lot of information around and don't get crazy with all this things.
Without any concert action climate changes can bring so many destruction and catastrophe which will effect economic for sure. In competitive environment population which have had a chance study do that and focusing very much on a career, on the same time I guess gap between well educated and uneducated people is going to increase significantly. Personally thinking that education is one of the key to solve some issues or at list to help developed or performed poor country/regions.
From economical point of view we can see clear that for last 10 years all finance from US and most EU moved significantly to Asia. Now Asia plays a very big role as a world builder. Any developed country wouldn't let easily to share there finance, so I assume that politics and leaders of the country will spent a lot of energy and attention for protection or fighting for resources and territory.
I guess 3th sector (NGOs) can play a very big roll in new world. Social enterprising is one of the key to make a real difference! Personally I become more and more attractive to it. To be a leader, to really lead, you don't need a MBA in leadership, you can just do it. Thinking that a lot grows and development in poor and developing countries can be done by NGO and social projects, by inspiring people with right ideas and needs of education.
The gap between poor and rich people will increase (probably that tendency we can see always in our history as well), but managing is going to be not by police/army how it was before, but by technology or medicine (diseases, epidemics etc). The richest part will be more mobile, well study, well travel, well read, may be even partly supports there health by new technology. In such dynamic and stressful world people can become more and more machine. On the same time some people can't follow the standard, the creativity, outstanding ideas, brave personality would values very much. It has had never been easy to be special and find understanding from populace although it's one of the way to make changes. If it's so easy, then everyone can do it :)

Then I had part related to long-term goals, feelings, wishes etc... but
Reading my post since begging I have realized how it's important for me to write down, even may be not so logical or in order, but at list it's a good self-reflection moment. I got some inspiration back and I know that sometimes to be lost between roads is not bad :) just important to know the final destination and keep happy journey;)

Actually I like challenging moments, because it makes me stronger, it pushes me to thinking out, used all creativity and discover something new :)

You have to stretch yourself before you grow up, move to the next level! :)

before your successed!

Everyday I wake up and think how amazing life (even if I don't want to think like this...I still do it!) but if we have always luck and get everything immediately I guess life would be so boring! To make sure that we stretch ourselves, we do our best in everyday life we must to struggle!

I even think it's more important your attitude for difficulties for challenges, then the fact of having it. Can you imagine you don't have any problems/issues and everything is fine/great etc??? Believe me, you create them! :) humanity are enough complicated and like make problems/issues/difficulties from nothing :)I don't know anyone who can say, I don't have any problems and I'm happy on 100% with all arias in my life, do you know? if you think so, then you don't have room for improvements, so that is a circle ...:)

As you know I like sport very much and I guess I know how to achieve result in sport, because I've experienced it a lot. You must just practice every single day, without excuses like weekend, bad weather or I'm just tired. (in some point of my life I had just 3 days without sport and it was so boring for me, I missed it very much already).
today I watch such interesting /inspiring video which reminds me my sport achievement and feeling of success! but for such great feeling I was ready to work very hard every day, just for 1 min of glory, achievement, success :)

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I guess in life we should do the same :)
feeling inspiring, amazing, magnificently, specially to do my best from everything!

how does it work:

Have you noticed, that the more you hurry, the slower you go?
The more you wait, the longer it takes?
The more you worry, the less you dream?
But the more you live, love, and laugh, Inna, the more you live, love, and laugh.

Weird?

but may be it's a beauty to figure it out and enjoy the moment :)

UUUUU vacation

I have just came back from my vacation a couple of hours ago! It was no typical vacation, I call them “U vacation” (unpredictable difficult, unbelievable interesting and unexpected inspiring) I decided to take time for my self and I went for 10 days to Vipassana Meditation Camp in Belgium. I have had so many thought, impressions and a lot of energy, I have feeling I can reach Everest and hug all people in the world; defiantly I’ve recharged my mind.

How did I figure out about such thing, in Autumn 2007, I went for coffer with one Estonian friend and he asked me what I’m doing at Christmas, I had no particular plans yet, he recently asked me would I like to join him for meditation camp for 10 days. I’ve been confused; “10 days of meditation; 10 days of silence meditation; are you kidding?” I said. Viljio is a guy with good sense of humor and I really thought for awhile that he was joking, but he said: “Asked Marjam she went with me last year.” Late I had some conversation with Marjam, saw Siim’s inspiring video after his experience at meditation camp and already in the end of 2008 I decided that I’ll take one of this course for sure and I have done it:) I guess it’s a good an example the emergence of thought. Thank you guys, I’m really grateful to you for giving me that thought.

Vipassana is one of India’s most ancient meditation techniques. The word Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. It’s the process of self purification by self-observation. Simply you have to keep silence for 10 days, don’t make physical and eyes contacts with other student, men & women live separately; student lives by course timetable (wake up at 4a.m. and get to bed at 9.30p.m.) and you are aloud to talk just on special time to teach; student should fallow all rules and follow daily tasks; no books, no TV, internet, mobile, pen/pencil, no sport, nothing….just you and your mind!
I thought the most difficult would be keep silence, but actually it was the simplest part and at some point I started to enjoy it, the difficult part was to work with my brain. I guess I have never worked so hard 10 days on a roll by my mind. Mind is so talkative and it was the most hard to accept the present/reality like it is and to leave on the moment. Thought was flying from past to future from dreaming to planning from good to bad. It’s not possible to stop them, at least for such short time, it’s a really hard work to become really peaceful and happy; but I realized that work helps to eliminate/decrease level of unhappiness.
I’m happy person and I choose to be happy, but sometime life brings difficult moment, news, challenges and it’s hard sometimes to keep happiness, but I guess now I know how to accept the reality like it is ( at least on theoretical level). I hope I’ll see that on practice in real life as well :) “It’s a hard work, but you must try, before your succeed.” Our teacher always said that :)

My U lessons are:
•trust your intuition – To reach a meditation camp (venue) was not so easy, because it’s located on a middle of nowhere in Belgium, but I had to pass thought Holland before come to Belgium again :) My trip started with traveling by car with 3 random, whom I didn’t know at all, I had scared thought, but my soul was calm and as result I’ve been luck all my trip with busses, timelines and people who were just very helpful.

•everyone is beautiful just we have to see that beauty;

•believe in yourself – I knew that I can manage and I did, I have never thought that I can leave a meditation camp during that 10 days, because it was so painful to meditate or to difficult to work or something else, I simply I believe in myself and my goal. When we got permission to talk with other student on last day so many people said they wanted to leave a course on some point.

•never compeer yourself with other, because everyone has a different experience, interest, goals, level of ambition etc. stay unique and make your own history; I met so many interesting people, out of my usual social group. People who does art, clown, workers from retirement home, doctors, artists, entrepreneurial, composer, hick hiking girl and girl whom studies development system (I have never heard about such education, her specialization food development system in poor countries). Every of them had an interesting story to share, in some moment I’ve been imprested of the diversity of the word; but my story is an amazing one too and it’s my own story.

•don’t criticize yourself, just accept it. In some point then we disappoint or frustrated by ourselves, we struggle to be better, to make more or to achieve more. To struggle is good, but love your self enough to accept your strength and weaknesses; make most of them with enjoying of doing even mistakes, because it’s our best teachers. I guess that one of the hard lesson for me, however step by step I’m changing my attitude and become in love with that lesson.

•Just present is a reality. I guess that point and the next one the most difficult for me so far I haven’t really learn properly yet but I’m on a way :) I realized it more and more, I tend to think and accept the reality like it is, although it is easy to say then implements that lesson in real life.

•Love is one way traffic. I’m interested of positive physiology and happy attitude to the life. On some point of my life I became to point that love to other is a very good feeling; letter I realized that love yourself (don’t be selfish, please don’t get me wrong) it’s a way to show the love to others; keep happiness though making other happy; sound good, favour enough, doesn’t it?
During the course every evening we had an audio seminar and some of them are about love; when you just give and don’t expect anything back. I thought hm… I do that, I just love people and that is a good feeling. But later during deeper explanation and I got an idea that mostly we create unhappiness by ourselves. How doest it work? We unhappy when something doesn’t happened; why? Simply because we were expecting that it must happened or we have created that in our mind. I started to analyze that actually it happened with the most close people, family, relatives, best friends etc; we do expect something get back from them, always, we attached to them and our ego wants to have back love/attention etc. I feel that is the hardest lesson which will come just with trying. But I’m glad to realize it at least, I’m on right way.

P.S. finished post, talked to my parents and my father wants to subscribe for course in Ukraine in October, so happy to give them at least a change to try it!

Use your energy for 100%

Today I'm having so special day, actually I guess it's more about special feeling!
I feel so good, let's try to describe. Happy, peaceful, lovely, natural, enjoyable and so relax, may be even just tired! I guess I would be strange to feel so good every single day otherwise I wouldn't appreciate it so much:)
Why do I feel like that I don't know :) I just feel.

Last month was quite full off activities, events, travelling and meeting new people!
I was in London for long weekend in the beginning of May, it was on of the bright trip so far. I loved my time in London! I don't know do I like actually London or not :) I guess I wouldn't like to live in LND, but I do appreciate my time in LND & thought I got there and after! It was very quality time. I couldn't manage to see all London, but I know that I want to study in London! I would say now it's a dream I haven't found exactly the program I don't have money yet, but I know that I want to study in London!

Olesya was in Bonn, with my friends from Sevastopol I always have fun in a special way :D every single day I've been enjoying with her!
Last weekend I met Alisa in Paris! I would say "doesn't matter how far away your friends and how often you talk/meet, but if you connected, it's forever!" I had feeling that we still in Estonia in our dormitory having brilliant porridge breakfast. She improved her cooking skills very much! :) We were having a nice chat; she still can read my mind very well :) I love it! My Estonian team we missed you!!!
But in Paris I had a couple of goals, accept visiting Alisa and doing sightseeing there. Olesya, Luka & Myself were having a small team reunion and celebrated Olesya's B'Day in Paris, it was like "Dreams come truth!" :)
As soon as you can dream about you can make it, Olesya just called me some day in January and asked: "Inna what do you think if I come to visit you in May and we later go to Paris to drink Champagne in the Champs-Élysées on my Birthday?" and it happened :) Of course we had a great party and went to night club!!! And it was one of the an amazing party ever :) I don't remember then I've been really dancing till 6a.m. on high hills, and during night I even didn't drink alcohol, I've been just dancing of course I had a good partner and nice company...it was awesome dancing night in Paris! :) after I couldn't move properly, but it's other story ;)
French people so interesting, there are not like other Europeans, there are different, very specific; honestly I have not got very good imprisons about them, but I hope I just don't know them enough, although Red French wine is extremely testy :)
I came back in Bonn without any energy:) totally sleepy, but with huge smile! :)
On Wednesday, Francisco (my flatmates) organized party in our place, I couldn't believe that so many people might come! It was 40-50 ppl, we had a queue next to enters!!! Some Germans just came and asked: "Is it Open Door Party?" it was very good chill out! Even Nadya with Anna & Yat Wan showed up for half a hour before going to Turkey :)
Yesterday I had lovely Thursday (official holiday in Germany) :) I just love yesterday, even I've been sad a bit to say bb to Olesya, but she had to come back in Kiev… later I went to Hofgarten with book for man and I couldn't stop reading, even in some point I've been cold, but I had so much fun! :) It's not a first time when I read a book specially for man, but it's always interesting to know the man perspective about women and sometimes I must say sometimes they knew us better when we do :) and Indian dinner with nice game completed such great day!

Today is Friday, almost empty office, nothing urgent, just learning day :) but I feel so good, even still didn't recover my energy from previous parties, events, trips, but I feel so special :)

But you know, time to time, when everything seems to be so perfect, it's just a right moment to move on to new adventures or you might have slept some important moment, I guess it's easy to say but not to do, that feeling just eating you and you want to stay on it, it's so comfortable, convention and lovely. But I should I must really do steps for the future!
Still don't know what I will do since 1st of December or 1st of January 2010! I'm on a process to found what I want to do, sometimes I feel that I'm just a dreamer :) but I hope I'll discover soon the right place for me!

I know I'll recover my battery soon and I would be ready for next step.
Suppose to have peaceful weekend for myself and for my future :)

Dream On!!!

“Close your ears to all adverse suggestions. Never mind if people call you a fool and a dreamer. Dream on.” ~ Wallace D. Wattles

I've been inspiring to DREAM!!! after reading some short motivation from PilosophicasNotes.
I really feel if we keep a discipline of dreaming (sound strange I know) but we really can make an amazing progress, make things which never even exists.
I do keep practising, I guess even more then I've been a chilled :)
For self motivation I started to remember when my dreams came truth….

The first biggest one, which I remember it was on Millennium New Year, when I got as a present my first PC from parents and I really didn't expect! It was just dream, even I wasn't so young 16 years old, but still I had internal feelings to believe that it will happened.
The second one was to get an award for Scientific activities and I got it, even I got on the last year at University, and I wasn't so happy anymore, but in the beginning of my study it was just a dream!!!
Since I joined AIESEC I would say I started to think more strategically and sometimes I couldn't separate my dreams from my plans (long-term or short-term goals), because they were always ambitions :)
But when I came to Estonia, during first weeks of my MC term I had a reflection time (when I couldn't got visa to Latvia and had to skip Baltic meeting) I had enough time for myself and recently one thought sound as a dream and I even couldn’t believe that it's possible. I wanted to work with investment management and to bring investments to Ukraine or Russia. I had no clue how I can do that, I even was not confident that I can make it but when you really dream your internal feelings work and you start to find everything regarding your dream. Sooner or later if you keep the direction it comes. I found that SME or they found me :) The third dream came truth I started to work in EXCEDEA (Excedea is a leading management and investment advisor in the Baltics and Eastern Europe.) I have to say that I liked it very much, first time in business sector I felt that I can use my finance/analytical knowledge for doing impact. I had very good team, trustful and open managers, who as a role model keep balance in live and achieve the result. We did our job as a hobby and always enjoyed it.
But I had other goal or dream (I don't know what was it exactly); I wanted to have an experience on multinational company as a result I'm now in DHL, doing my internship.
What is the next my dream???
After a lot of goal settings in AIESEC, I feel that I enjoy more reflection time. I try to find every week some hours for myself to listen myself and ask questions. One of the thought/answer which is often in my mind last 3 month is doing more impact using my finance knowledge, ability to work with people and analysing skills!
Investment aria still as an option, but I feel I want to see more, Emerging markets, development relationship between them and connect partners/companies/countries, bring an investment to them, show the direction of development and make people happy though there development. I'm not sure yet what it is… but I know it will come.

So happy to find a minute to write about my DREAM….

P.s. just red again my post and I noticed that a lot of thought are missing, such as human feelings (love, passion, respect, curiosity) may be it will come on latest post…:)