don't think! Do it!

I didn't write here for awhile already! I guess it's time to do it.
I'm in some strange mode, actually it's not a mood, let's say strange feeling.... Everything is great, but I don't feel like...
I had a great weekend in Tallinn with friend of mine, really enjoyed our time :) I've been in Belgium at 8th of March, I always happy meeting my friends. As usually with Luka we had fun, starting from Latino night club and finishing Martiny nights :) with Nadi'ka we were waking around of Brussels. Even in rain weather she was so kind and we made a sightseeing :). I'd call our time in Brussels "quality more important than quantity" :)
I have a new interesting project in EXCEDEA, the investment infusions come very quickly in Ukraine, I'm proud of that I'm from Ukraine! (my play list on 40% consist of Ukrainian song :D)
We had MC days in the Forest, it was wonderful, I even didn't expect. 5 girls were growing together, pushing our mind work in topic which we preferred, it was new Marjam's technology after AOH! I'd like to go to Art of Hosting seminar too :) 2 days gave me more probably than some working week.
I enjoy my social and personal life, I feel freedom, finance independence and responsible for my decision. I'm traveling a lot. In my plan Vilnius - Kaunas (Synergy). Copenhagen - 60th years Anniversary, Stockholm - sightseeing with friend :)
I guess I determinate to go to internship after my term in MC Estonia. I have my EP form in myaiesec.net. I have a good XP in business sector, but I work usually in a SME sector, I think I miss XP in multinational company, after I can compeer and make final decision, what I like more...
I've been thinking that I have a passion, but now I'm not sure about it, I have some many reason, first of all I'd like to work with my strengths and to do work which is relevant, to have a meaningful job. I want to leave something. I can be a part of system, where nobody could see my job or to make a big step and do changes, new project etc. I have some though, which I even sometime don't want to accept! Why I'm afraid to do not typical steps for society? I'm becoming more rational and relational and I guess my eyes shine less and less, sometime I have feeling I'm losing my natural inner passion and beauty, becoming to person whom influent the society and life rules.... May be I'm afraid to come back home and just tell seriously that I'm going in Asia for 1 more year or going to USA on 5 year to sturdy or I have other opportunity in Europe and to get married is not in my plane for next year. What am I afraid????
In my mind some vision like in a movie or book, everyone wants it, everyone dreams about it. I guess my education and feeling post Soviet Union Countries that life should be beautiful and its matter of reaches. But if I we don't have meaning or value behind of it's boring....
I have pretty good life in Estonia, each area in my life I may say 4-5 balls... (from 5 balls) :)
"If we don't know what you'll lose you're not concentrate on." Good idea, but does it mean that we should also have a challenges?
I'm still dealing with my report, what is press me... But I'll manage, I don't have any option
I'm thinking about other education abrade, master or Ph.D. or MBA. But it's a lot of preparation, I have just start to do it.
Now the main question how to create a time for creativity, stop running.... It should be a something simple, just go to do massage, rest and create or I should visit more my favorite book cafeteria, where I can just rest looking though the window or looking at pictures...
I have to go to sport club, it should help to fresh my mind :)
I don't like my wondering feeling.

INNA YOU HAVE TO DECIDE, STOP THINKING & TALKING, PLEASE DO IT!
COME BACK TO INNER HAPPINESSES.
BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT!!!

p.s. I didn't expect so many random ideas on a post :) Looking forward martyshki's reunion conversation. Thanks Marjam for your open mind nest and creativity, that you're present:D
p.ss. Going to cook :) I hope not just because I'd like to avoid a work, just because I'm hungry already, I'm human!

when I feel confused or frustrated ....

Some time I have feeling than anyone can't understand me!
It can be one time per month :D or just cultural difference or some challenges.
what I usually do:
* Buying something nice for myself (not exactly shopping, I'm tired from it)
* Sleeping!!! (what I really miss, and I don't know at which weekend I can have a sleep it)
* Talking with friends whom I haven't seen long time (sometimes even they think on other way)
* Reading, but something what I can easily forgot later
* Meeting with people out of AIESEC (can do almost every day)
* Singing, Dancing and Smiling of course. (No comments :)

Today I'm going to clean flat, to cook some salad, to dance and to think, to think and to think! I should come to some ideas definitely!!! I'm really frustrated about my feeling... Why it can be simple? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-onqH1nPfqY&feature=PlayList&p=AE147C51128B9B39&index=8

This is song helped me removed in previous week :)

The week of special moments

I have been in Berlin on last weekend. I asked myself "how can I describe my trip in Berlin?"
I don't know do I like Berlin or not, this is a city which everyone should visit advisable! :) I guess better during Summer or Autumn, because Berlin has many parks and if you want to see the natural beauty of German's capital for sure that seasons are perfect for. I've been glad to meet some of my friends! I've been so satisfied that Lars and Anda cared about our sightseeing program, because as usually I haven't had time before to read a lot about Berlin, and all my preparation was in a plane from Tallinn to Berlin :) That city has a so huge city center, it's not possible just for one day just walk around. But we could manage to visit the more popular places :)

what I really couldn't accept personally it was "dirty feeling". I try to explain, what I mean, Berlin is city with a lot of graphites some of them looks like very attractive! but we used the city train and our trip took around or 30 min and I could see not just city center and other districts of city as well. In my memory it's graphites, some deserted places or factories. On Saturday evening we went home quite late and we meet on a train station a lot of young people, some of them were punk, some of the were just drank, some of them were just wired at least for me. That all gave me a "dirty" feeling. Although may be I'm just sensitive sometimes :)

But on a train we didn't lost time and always we were enjoying the conversation :) I may say some of our topics was unforeseen and unexpectable , but exciting for sure! I know that I'd like to come back in Berlin some day but in September or October :) I'd like to visit museums, which a lot of in Berlin, I'd like to know the social life, because in Berlin usually happens a lot of different events.

Some other moments which happened during last few days, that I discover I have one more friend :) This happens when you tell truth to person next to you. You're respect his/her opinion, his/her feeling and you're going to be more closer, because you know almost everything about each other!:) I've been thinking that I'm almost alone who prefer tell truth openly and sometimes I started to afraid doing it, but now I'm again so convince about that strengths :)

Strange meeting on a fly! I don't know how ofter do you get to know your neighbors in plane, somehow it always happens with me, even if I sleep or read or listen music :) on a way back to Tallinn, I met a middle-aged women, she was so open with kind smile and I felt that she wanted to talk to me, so latter everything moved in so interesting direction. She works in German audit company which has focus on NGO and she provide audit, education and training for finance responsible in NGO. We had dinner and did sightseeing in Tallinn, it was a please to talk to her about professional and personal topics. You know, sometimes you meet people and feel so freely to discuss almost everything, I like this feeling!!! I don't know how that recently meeting will influent on my life in future, but I have some new thought in my mind at that moment for sure...

my mind is changing ...

I don't know how it's call correctly, but I can feel it. May be some of you know this feeling. I can compeer with cooking or swimming or ...
When you cook something really special, probably firstly and you don't know the taste, but for sure it'll be really delicious. You're tasting few times & it's a new taste always, because you added spicy or some new ingredient or just food is going to be ready.
Or when you learn swimming, it's difficult in the begging, but latter it's better and better, and you can swim even butterfly. And you just swim and enjoy the beautiful nature of see, the fabulous voice of ocean and the wonderful pictures of seabed.
I need time to think about the way I personal changed.
I need time again to review what is really important for me.
But anywhere I like this feeling, I see how challenges developing me. I like to observe this moment as well :)
And what I really appreciate that I'm enjoying all this changing now

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

My memories from 2007

The New Year 2007 I was celebrating with my family in Sevastopol, Ukraine. Thanks my lovely family for great moment, for your support and love. I had a nice time with friends and relatives, now it’s just dream to meet them. But late in Kiev we had difficult, interesting & funny time. Difficult was one, because the work, a lot of work, one of the bright things in my memory from my MC term in Ukraine :) Interesting one it was because we made some difficult decision regarding future. And I guess from January we started to have more fun insight of team. Girls (Luka, Svetylka) I will not forget our “Kreshenskoe gadanie” (fortune telling). I don’t remember the result, but I remember that filling, Martini & Glintvein (Hot vine), oranges, Ukrainian chocolate and a lot of laughter!

The February was month when I put my SN form in Insight XP and the same time I had this feeling that I want more to do something in AIESEC, it took quite many time to make decision about MC international, thank you my MC team in Ukraine for helping me with conversation about my future.
There were sightsee in Kiev with Masha (Savranskaya), the Golden gate with “-12” or even colder :)! When we stated felling how worms the underground and even didn’t manage to go in café or restaurant. It was of the memorable for our event list ;)

The March, ha ha…, I remember just I was filling in different applications form, a lot of smart quotes everywhere, deep though etc. Of course, I remember the funny EB elections in Lvov. Even my trip to Lvov started without ticket in restaurant on the train, election process in Ukrainian langue and of course my favorite surname Dmiterco (I always sad Dmitrenko).
The second month of Spring I reaped the fruits of one's labor. I’ve been selected in MC Estonia, like MC VP Finance. I still remember this moment; I’ve been in SpringCo, during session I managed to pass interview, the test and pass the selection process. It was Friday afternoon, when I received the message from Marjam (my MCP) to the following effect: Dear, Inna you can find the result of election in your mail. Of course I had feeling that I haven’t been selected, but recently decided to check mail and I couldn’t believe the world: “The MC VP Finance AIESEC Estonia is Inna Kostyuk”, why I couldn’t believe, because I already thought that I wasn’t selected. It’s one of the best examples when people don’t know information making the decision and how assumptions influent on our decision.

The May I could call "the last meeting” month. I’ve been in Ukraine, but I started to miss already my family, friends and especially girls from MC Ukraine. I had the last meeting before my trip in Estonia with friends in Sevastopol, may be they even didn’t feel like this, because I already have been quite far away from them, the last walk in Kiev with Masha aka Luka, Svetylya aka Muza & Mashylka aka Pingvinchik. We had a lot of conversation about future about past what I really value in our friendship relationship.
The June, my new adventures in new country, with new people and with other culture (I may say even it’s so close by Ukraine, but the cultures different for sure I felled, I guess it’s more attitude of people). It was month of analyzing the previous XP and future life, review my goals and planes. Thank you the Lars Indermo, who agreed to be my mentor. From the beginning I started feel myself in Estonia like normal person who have work, personal life and should have fun and relax, this feeling I totally forgot in MC Ukraine :) Although I’m so grateful for my XP in Kiev, it was of the difficult, professional and stressful year.

The July was one of the significant months for myFamily, my sister getting married :) at that moment I made sure again that everything have a reason, because If I was selected in some other country I couldn’t manage to be on my sister’s wedding!:)
The few months in Estonia I could describe PARY, EVENTS, FESTIVALS and new life philosophy for me. Why new one? I really started to feel why important to care about myself, about my health and why I should love myself so much. During summer I was running at least 4 days per week, I woke up early, because the sun and sky in the morning are beautiful and I have a nice view from my window on 4^th flow.
I even can’t account how many party and even I’ve visited. The more memorable were: Song & Dance festival, the middle some on a Saarrema, AIESEC Birthday, what was so surprise for me (sport exercises, talking with alumni, games, some competitions and just freely conversation with everyone doesn’t matter alumni, member or MC, everything is simple)! Thank you to everyone who helped me to realize it.
The August, one of the bright even in AIESEC life is International Congress, in this year it was in Turkey. I guess it was my last IC, it was attractive. I met people whom I know before, I met my friends, whom I was missing, and we had a nice talking with Masha & Sveta; some interesting conversation with Deniss and Marjam. I guess I didn’t build network so much, I think I just invested in network which I have had before and I just enjoyed the life :)

The September was on of the difficult month in last year. I’m already afraid the reintegration time. I’ve been at home, in Ukraine. Something what I was dreaming about, I had the visa issue and I could come in Estonia till in the end of September, but when you know this exactly you can mange it, but when you every day expect that your documents will come, it’s so difficult. I couldn’t work normally, in the same time my team mates had the hot period. I felled lost, upset, and disappointed, when I’ve been far away, but I learn for sure, doesn’t meter where’re are, how important what are you doing.
In October I’ve come back in Estonia, Tallinn, I’ve been so happy to back to my apartment to see finally our new office in the city center. I met some challenges in my work, but in general I continued enjoying the life here. I made my trip plan and bought the tickets to Prague and Brussels.

The last month of Autumn I can call it like “traveling month”. I had the great finance weekend in Parnu, amazing and useful Finance meeting in Warsaw, and the marvelous weekend in Vilnius. Thank you my friend, Tadas, for your hospitality, I felt myself like at home when somebody care about me :) It first time when I felt as network really works.

And I’ve been selected as a FACI at LDS in Italy; it was my first international FACI XP. It was please to work with MC Italy, with don’t worry people without stressful situation and just enjoy the time and learn from it. Milan, Catania, Syracuse and Etna, it was fantastic time, new culture, hot and caring people. Of course I’ve been joyed to meet Mashylka and we had a few great talks but I’m also grateful the Stefano from Bacony University, who has been my guide in Milano, with whom we had a funny time, did sightsee, visited the night club and of course the Italian dinner with vine :)
And the last month of 2007, the December was one more month of adventures. I remember again trips between LCs, a lot of parties, almost every day of some working weeks and creasy Christmas preparations. I didn’t feel it, but it was interesting to observe when everybody likes creasy with present to parents, friends and relatives. I think it’s something similarly like we do before NY :) the cities in Estonia was decorating so much, I guess like other European cities.

I had not typical Catholic Christmas. I was celebrating that Catholic Christmas with girl from Germany. I haven’t met the Andrea before this December, but as usually the AIESECers she is interesting person and I had again the cultural discovering. Thank you Andrea, that you pushed me to visit some interesting places in Tallinn, for interesting conversation and funny time.

I had one of the work hard months in Estonia, but I motivated myself to have one of the best professional XP after finance report.

In the end of month I deep felled how I miss my family! And my sister made a great surprise for all of us before NY, she got born the baby and I become aunt! In that important moment I wanted even change my ticket to Prague on ticket to Sevastopol and spend at least 1 day with my family… But I convince myself what I’ll meet my friends in Prague, whom I miss so much and we’ll have a lot of fun, conversation and parties.

And the New Year Night was just Fabulous, Friendly and Funny.
I guess the year will be the same, although the challenges just help to feel a happiness.

Итак... Ты - солнечный ангел

Привет! Знай, после смерти ты станешь ангелом солнца...Это создания света, радости и счастья. ты будешь дарить людям любовь, детей и смех, будешь оберегать их от несчастий...Ты сделаешь этот Мир лучше. Ты - Ангел Солнца!! Ангел света, любви, счастья, радости и улыбок... После дождя ты будешь создавать радуги-мосты, и летать по ночам между мятных звезд, и ловить их, чтобы они не упали...Будешь дарить людям надежду, утешать... Лишь будь тем, кто ты на самом деле...

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2007 in Pictures