Monday, April 06, 2009

We live in the world which we build in our mind!!!

Something I feel that we live in illusion world! As soon as you could protect you mind of negative news which you got everyday via TV, newspapers or internet, especially social network :)
As soon as you could accept every satiation which is going on it saved you and we could protect our mind and to build our own illusions, not be depending of information, new and presser which we got every single day. Something takes us away of our way of thinking, which is a trash for us. I guess I should be more careful with information which I read and search, especially in internet!
I discover if I can 100 % relax my mind, I can be the most creative and initiative person in the world, I have just “pink” pictures. I need just to practice how to do that.
One of the last examples. On last weekend I went to Frankfurt, I’ve been invited as a chair of Local Conference LC FF, yes, again AIESEC :)
On Friday (03.04.09) I went to Vlad’s BBQ Birthday Party (0ne of my colleague in DHL), party was great, martini as well :) I don’t know how I woke up on Saturday early morning, I guess my responsibility didn’t let me to sleep more :) but when I’ve been on the train on a way to Frankfurt, I realized that probably I forgot to wake my brain up and it was still sleeping at home. Everyone could say it was the worse condition to think out about whatever… you can just sleep :)
But I had to finish some task, usually it takes about 1 hour, but I come up with the great ideas in 3-4 min and just proceed during next 10 min and it was done, of course I slept after :) I’ve been surprised of myself.
Some other examples which come now to my mind when I’ve been very creative I’ve been always relax with good impressions at least about the day: I stated to experienced that and noticed during my MC term Estonia, when atmosphere in our team was enough relax and ideas just came up. I always had feeling and impressions that any situation is temporary and we’ll come to great solution. It worked perfectly. Sometimes now when my manager just specks loudly his thought and it’s not related my task directly I feel that I can do a correct comment and make a suggestion, just because it doesn’t stress or press me :). I’m so happy when I feel that.
I love that feeling.
As soon as I do practice to relax my mind and to build a great illusion in my mind I could notice more often and often I got a great ideas or good solutions :)
Although I have expressed a negative point with good illusions as well, sometimes when it’s too personal it’s become more as dreams and it’s difficult to get a line between dreams, illusions and intuition :)
It should come with a practice to build our own mind and thoughts.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

One month past

06.01.2009
5 weeks ago I left home, seems to be so short time, but life with full of events gives other perspective…I feel that past almost 1 year! I guess I changed or at least my thoughts :)
I’m setting my new life here in Germany. I can’t say that Bonn the best city in the world and I’ve been always dreaming to leave in, but as I like small capitals, ex capital might consider.

Why am I here? I got an internship in DHL Finance Freight headquarter office for one year! I work with Net working capital, cash management in different internal finance calculation and elaborations in all countries in Europe. I do a lot of analysis that I like very much. I found a lot of benefits to work in open space office, where during discussion you could learn a lot as well. People in my department are very divers and international, my manager from Colombia, predecessor from Mexico and the CFO from the Netherlands and I could continue the list….sometimes my task is challenging, but I like it, a lot of potential for development. Even DHL is the biggest logistic company in the world and I work with finance (quite strictly area) I feel that I have quite enough enterprises. In the begging I was afraid it but now I’d like to bring something new that pushing me study more about company, the field and specific knowledge of course. In Finance Freight department works majority man with great sense of humor. At work I feel as at comedy show. I feel that I’m quite serious at work and may be not natural :) but it’s good room for improvement.

My leaving condition is not perfect. I leave in old house together with one African France native speaker girl and with landlords. They’re a couple a men is almost 60th years old from Germany and his wife is young lady from Latino America (Spanish native speaker). She is a student. Any one excepting master of the house can’t speak English, so I almost can’t communicate with anyone we just smile to each other or in case show something by mimic as a monkey :)
My room is relatively big, I have even washing mashing in :) but as I recently found out that any longer can enter in my room when I’m out to do some washing … yep, how could you feel about it?… one cornet on the ceiling in my room seems to be quite wet. So far it doesn’t disturbing me so much; I am just not sure how healthy it’s to leave on such conditions. I decorated my room with some pictures & applications, so I like it. The most difficult issue for me in my apartment is lack of Internet connection. Yes, I have to accept that I’m FREAK of Internet!!! never thought that it’s so important in my life! Even I know that nothing happened with me and the world if I don’t check mail one or two days, but I feel dependent of internet, I guess it’s partly a horrible habit!!!
On the first week in office I haven’t had internet as well and I hold a personal record 4 days without internet and TV!!! Can you believe that I’m in Germany in one of the developed country in the world!!! :D My manager was making jokes about it one week more, especially when he printed some news for me in the morning :)
I have quite good transport connection to office and to the city center, shops, cinema, sport club and even theater… may be because before it was a district where were located embassies and lived ambassadors. Here still you could find a couple of embassies the poor countries, which couldn’t move to Berlin :)
The houses and residences around are so beautiful, quite old and not typical, that give special spirit to that part of Bonn. Every morning I enjoy the view walking to the bus stop (7-10 min). The sky and clouds are not so beautiful and big as in Estonia or Scandinavia, but I still love to admire the sky…
No matter of all that issues I’m facing but I like Bad Godesberg (the district in Bonn), even as soon as I got an opportunity to move to the city center I’ll do it!

My social life is fixing slowly. Some party, dinners, coffer, I do like it. Since next week I’m starting German lessons 2 times per week, found a sport club already I hope I’ll manage to go at least 3 times per week. Yesterday in one café I found a lot of promotions with different events in Bonn. So considering starting Tango lessons, at least try it and decide do I like it or not, even it’s a bit expensive for my budget so far, but I’d like to try and make my priority… Theaters, music concerts, opera, dance show in a plan already … so if people say that they’re bored, there’re boring! One more time come up with thought that you build your community which depending from whom you’re, how maturity you’re and what you’re looking for. I can’t say that I have new friends here already, but I feel quite comfortable, but definitely I have a very interesting people around, what I’m glad for.

One more time after life in Estonia rediscovered how to leave to my own life! To be just myself, behave and act as Inna Kostyuk, not at MC member, not as good doter or someone else, just be who I’m and love it simply.

So far I’ve visited Nadi’ka in Brussels already on Christmas… it was unexpected nice trip :) you couldn’t imagine that on the last moment I didn’t want to go to Brussels and how was difficult for me to buy a ticket, I have had a first cultural shock in Germany so far… but as usually I always like to spend some quality time with Nadya and great party as well :) I’ve been learning to cook Chinese dishes, need to practice… I’m glad that I came to Brussels :)

The New Year Eve I spent in Bonn, good dinner, nice farewells next to the river and party of course. It was a bit different but our life should be divers and colorful… so far all new thing I try to appreciate and to enjoy.

I miss my family very much; I guess I never missed them so much, even I don’t leave at home quite long time, but now its spatial feelings… I can’t describe even for myself, why do I miss them so much, if we talk almost every day and sending mails to each other often as well…or I really fell that I’m not a chilled anymore and just I responsible for my life and no one else…
And each year, day and time in the life are special….

Blogging again

I was waiting that moment when I would feel to write again :)

I started a couple of time to write a story, thought and something stopped me, so let it be :)

I can’t continue blogging without dissemble about April and my long vacation.

Why April? From the first view nothing seriously happened, it was just one more wonderful month in my life! It was a month of memorable discovering, mental changes and enjoying moments. There were:

* In life we see a lot of paradigm as “when men loves a women” song by M.Bolton. Men usually do even impossible things to follow there feeling or wishes. Sometimes it’s dangerous just observe it from the outside! I’m not so young do not know that, but still…..

* “Run to your fears” by Robert Sharma. I had a couple of situations when I run for my fears. As natural for me most power feeling connected with sport. We wend to the last conference as MC of AIESEC Estonia and on post meeting our team decided to do rolling on s professional road. First challenge was to clime on by rollers (remarked I didn’t roll since childhood, but in past I just practice a bit, so I was almost new in!) usually when you’re on a top of hill is following things are descent, but I was on rollers & almost I couldn’t manage them :) so I did it! I rush to the fear! I rush down, almost all way I could manage successful till the last tern :) yes, I fall, what is logical, but I made that professional roller circle!!!! It was unforgettable feeling of winning, I won myself and I just started to manage myself on a speed. When you afraid just do it and you will satisfy of yourself. Simple to say, but difficult to step over the comfort zone!

Love that feeling.

* Orientation on a result. In out life we have done a lot of thing, which is not so important for us. Keeping working doesn’t mean a great success or right result! Doing right things + keep balance = result & internal happiness. Thanks to my team of AIESEC Estonia 2007-2008 for that great learning.

In general my year in Estonia was not like I expected, it was even better! I visited 12 countries for one year! In some places I was twice or thrice time. I started to realize a new mentality, I definitely become more open minded then I’ve been before :) I’m sure now that I like Scandinavian way of thinking, it’s not easiest or typical way of thinking always, may be there is a zest. I could live in Scandinavia (Copenhagen or Stockholm there are my two favorite places so far). I started appreciate my personal time very much. Sometimes I love to be a lone, what never happened before :)

Thursday, March 27, 2008

don't think! Do it!

I didn't write here for awhile already! I guess it's time to do it.
I'm in some strange mode, actually it's not a mood, let's say strange feeling.... Everything is great, but I don't feel like...
I had a great weekend in Tallinn with friend of mine, really enjoyed our time :) I've been in Belgium at 8th of March, I always happy meeting my friends. As usually with Luka we had fun, starting from Latino night club and finishing Martiny nights :) with Nadi'ka we were waking around of Brussels. Even in rain weather she was so kind and we made a sightseeing :). I'd call our time in Brussels "quality more important than quantity" :)
I have a new interesting project in EXCEDEA, the investment infusions come very quickly in Ukraine, I'm proud of that I'm from Ukraine! (my play list on 40% consist of Ukrainian song :D)
We had MC days in the Forest, it was wonderful, I even didn't expect. 5 girls were growing together, pushing our mind work in topic which we preferred, it was new Marjam's technology after AOH! I'd like to go to Art of Hosting seminar too :) 2 days gave me more probably than some working week.
I enjoy my social and personal life, I feel freedom, finance independence and responsible for my decision. I'm traveling a lot. In my plan Vilnius - Kaunas (Synergy). Copenhagen - 60th years Anniversary, Stockholm - sightseeing with friend :)
I guess I determinate to go to internship after my term in MC Estonia. I have my EP form in myaiesec.net. I have a good XP in business sector, but I work usually in a SME sector, I think I miss XP in multinational company, after I can compeer and make final decision, what I like more...
I've been thinking that I have a passion, but now I'm not sure about it, I have some many reason, first of all I'd like to work with my strengths and to do work which is relevant, to have a meaningful job. I want to leave something. I can be a part of system, where nobody could see my job or to make a big step and do changes, new project etc. I have some though, which I even sometime don't want to accept! Why I'm afraid to do not typical steps for society? I'm becoming more rational and relational and I guess my eyes shine less and less, sometime I have feeling I'm losing my natural inner passion and beauty, becoming to person whom influent the society and life rules.... May be I'm afraid to come back home and just tell seriously that I'm going in Asia for 1 more year or going to USA on 5 year to sturdy or I have other opportunity in Europe and to get married is not in my plane for next year. What am I afraid????
In my mind some vision like in a movie or book, everyone wants it, everyone dreams about it. I guess my education and feeling post Soviet Union Countries that life should be beautiful and its matter of reaches. But if I we don't have meaning or value behind of it's boring....
I have pretty good life in Estonia, each area in my life I may say 4-5 balls... (from 5 balls) :)
"If we don't know what you'll lose you're not concentrate on." Good idea, but does it mean that we should also have a challenges?
I'm still dealing with my report, what is press me... But I'll manage, I don't have any option
I'm thinking about other education abrade, master or Ph.D. or MBA. But it's a lot of preparation, I have just start to do it.
Now the main question how to create a time for creativity, stop running.... It should be a something simple, just go to do massage, rest and create or I should visit more my favorite book cafeteria, where I can just rest looking though the window or looking at pictures...
I have to go to sport club, it should help to fresh my mind :)
I don't like my wondering feeling.

INNA YOU HAVE TO DECIDE, STOP THINKING & TALKING, PLEASE DO IT!
COME BACK TO INNER HAPPINESSES.
BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT!!!

p.s. I didn't expect so many random ideas on a post :) Looking forward martyshki's reunion conversation. Thanks Marjam for your open mind nest and creativity, that you're present:D
p.ss. Going to cook :) I hope not just because I'd like to avoid a work, just because I'm hungry already, I'm human!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

when I feel confused or frustrated ....

Some time I have feeling than anyone can't understand me!
It can be one time per month :D or just cultural difference or some challenges.
what I usually do:
* Buying something nice for myself (not exactly shopping, I'm tired from it)
* Sleeping!!! (what I really miss, and I don't know at which weekend I can have a sleep it)
* Talking with friends whom I haven't seen long time (sometimes even they think on other way)
* Reading, but something what I can easily forgot later
* Meeting with people out of AIESEC (can do almost every day)
* Singing, Dancing and Smiling of course. (No comments :)

Today I'm going to clean flat, to cook some salad, to dance and to think, to think and to think! I should come to some ideas definitely!!! I'm really frustrated about my feeling... Why it can be simple? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-onqH1nPfqY&feature=PlayList&p=AE147C51128B9B39&index=8

This is song helped me removed in previous week :)

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The week of special moments


I have been in Berlin on last weekend. I asked myself "how can I describe my trip in Berlin?"
I don't know do I like Berlin or not, this is a city which everyone should visit advisable! :) I guess better during Summer or Autumn, because Berlin has many parks and if you want to see the natural beauty of German's capital for sure that seasons are perfect for. I've been glad to meet some of my friends! I've been so satisfied that Lars and Anda cared about our sightseeing program, because as usually I haven't had time before to read a lot about Berlin, and all my preparation was in a plane from Tallinn to Berlin :) That city has a so huge city center, it's not possible just for one day just walk around. But we could manage to visit the more popular places :)

what I really couldn't accept personally it was "dirty feeling". I try to explain, what I mean, Berlin is city with a lot of graphites some of them looks like very attractive! but we used the city train and our trip took around or 30 min and I could see not just city center and other districts of city as well. In my memory it's graphites, some deserted places or factories. On Saturday evening we went home quite late and we meet on a train station a lot of young people, some of them were punk, some of the were just drank, some of them were just wired at least for me. That all gave me a "dirty" feeling. Although may be I'm just sensitive sometimes :)
But on a train we didn't lost time and always we were enjoying the conversation :) I may say some of our topics was unforeseen and unexpectable , but exciting for sure! I know that I'd like to come back in Berlin some day but in September or October :) I'd like to visit museums, which a lot of in Berlin, I'd like to know the social life, because in Berlin usually happens a lot of different events.
Some other moments which happened during last few days, that I discover I have one more friend :) This happens when you tell truth to person next to you. You're respect his/her opinion, his/her feeling and you're going to be more closer, because you know almost everything about each other!:) I've been thinking that I'm almost alone who prefer tell truth openly and sometimes I started to afraid doing it, but now I'm again so convince about that strengths :)
Strange meeting on a fly! I don't know how ofter do you get to know your neighbors in plane, somehow it always happens with me, even if I sleep or read or listen music :) on a way back to Tallinn, I met a middle-aged women, she was so open with kind smile and I felt that she wanted to talk to me, so latter everything moved in so interesting direction. She works in German audit company which has focus on NGO and she provide audit, education and training for finance responsible in NGO. We had dinner and did sightseeing in Tallinn, it was a please to talk to her about professional and personal topics. You know, sometimes you meet people and feel so freely to discuss almost everything, I like this feeling!!! I don't know how that recently meeting will influent on my life in future, but I have some new thought in my mind at that moment for sure...

Monday, February 04, 2008

my mind is changing ...

I don't know how it's call correctly, but I can feel it. May be some of you know this feeling. I can compeer with cooking or swimming or ...
When you cook something really special, probably firstly and you don't know the taste, but for sure it'll be really delicious. You're tasting few times & it's a new taste always, because you added spicy or some new ingredient or just food is going to be ready.
Or when you learn swimming, it's difficult in the begging, but latter it's better and better, and you can swim even butterfly. And you just swim and enjoy the beautiful nature of see, the fabulous voice of ocean and the wonderful pictures of seabed.
I need time to think about the way I personal changed.
I need time again to review what is really important for me.
But anywhere I like this feeling, I see how challenges developing me. I like to observe this moment as well :)
And what I really appreciate that I'm enjoying all this changing now

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.